Respect In Spite of Theological Differences

If you’ve been a Christian for any length of time, you’ve probably felt it: theological conversations can get hot—fast. Eschatology can divide a small group. Soteriology can split a church hallway into camps. Discussions about the Trinity, eternal security, spiritual gifts, Israel and the Church, Calvinism and Arminianism (and everything in between) can become intense enough that people stop hearing each other and start defeating each other.

And yet, believers who love the same Lord, read the same Bible, and confess the same gospel often walk away from debates more divided than united.

So here’s the premise I want to put on the table up front:

Truth is truth, and nearly everyone involved in these debates believes they are defending truth. That matters, because it explains why the conversations are emotional. People aren’t merely arguing about “ideas”—they’re arguing about what they believe God has revealed, what protects the church, and what guards the salvation of souls.

That also means something else:

Mutual respect and strong debate do not need to be mutually exclusive. In fact, the healthier a debate is, the more respect it requires. Truth does not fear examination—but pride does. And love is not the enemy of conviction; it is the proper clothing for conviction.

Why debates get so intense

Some doctrines are “secondary” in the sense that faithful Christians can disagree without denying the faith. But they are not “small.” They touch real life.

• Eschatology shapes hope, fear, endurance, and how people interpret suffering and world events.

• Soteriology shapes evangelism, assurance, worship, humility, and how we preach the cross.

• Trinitarian doctrine shapes whether we worship the true God or a distorted version of Him.

• Eternal security shapes whether believers rest in Christ’s finished work or live in spiritual anxiety.

When issues reach down into the soul like that, people can feel like conceding a point is conceding God Himself. That’s why tone matters so much. A careless sentence can feel like an attack on someone’s salvation, intelligence, or sincerity.

But here’s the guiding truth: You can be deeply convinced and deeply respectful at the same time. Scripture calls us to “speak the truth in love,” not choose one or the other.

Debate and disagreements are not mean, evil or wrong.

The line we must not blur: the gospel itself

While many debates are within the family, the gospel is not a playground. Get the gospel wrong and you don’t merely “lose a debate”—you can lose the very message that saves.

That’s why it matters to defend the conviction that Jesus died for all—that the atonement is genuinely offered to the world, and the invitation to come to Christ is sincere for every hearer.

Because this isn’t just a theory; it is the heart of the message we proclaim.

Why defending “Christ died for all” matters

Here are several reasons it’s worth contending for—firmly, carefully, and biblically:

1. Because it protects the clarity of the gospel offer. When we preach, we can look any person in the eye and say with integrity: “Christ died for sinners—and you are included in that provision. Come to Him.”The New Testament language of invitation, pleading, and proclamation assumes the message is truly for the hearer (John 3:16; Acts 17:30; Romans 10:13).

2. Because it guards the character of God as revealed in Scripture. The Bible repeatedly presents God as loving, patient, and not delighting in the death of the wicked—calling people to turn and live. A universal provision view fits naturally with the breadth of Scripture’s stated desire that people come to repentance (1 Timothy 2:4–6; 2 Peter 3:9).

3. Because it keeps evangelism straightforward and urgent. The apostles preached Christ openly to crowds, reasoning and persuading, calling people to repent and believe. Whatever else we argue about divine sovereignty, Scripture portrays gospel preaching as a real appeal to real people with real responsibility to respond.

4. Because the stakes are eternal. If we confuse people about what the gospel actually is—if we muddy the waters so that sinners can’t tell whether Christ is truly for them—we risk pushing them toward despair, presumption, or paralysis. Let’s say this carefully: a person is not saved by having perfect theology—we are saved by Christ through faith. But distorting the gospel message can mislead hearers, obscure the invitation, and potentially harden people in unbelief. That’s not a small matter.

5. Because it strengthens assurance for the struggling believer. A tender conscience often asks, “Is the promise for me?” The New Testament repeatedly points struggling souls to the sufficiency and availability of Christ (John 6:37; Romans 5:8; 1 John 2:2). Universal provision doesn’t replace faith—it clarifies that Christ’s saving work is not restricted to a hidden category of people unknown to the hearer. The promise is preached openly; the sinner comes openly.

You can still debate the mechanics, intent, scope, and design of the atonement—but the church must never lose the boldness and simplicity of the gospel proclamation: Christ crucified and risen, calling all to repent and believe.

Respecting others without compromising your convictions

So how do we do this? How do we respect Christians with differing views?

1. Be Faithful: My hero in the faith, Adrian Rogers while contending for the faith, was faced with similar circumstances... When told he had to compromise if the convention was to come together....“I’m willing to compromise about many things, but not the Word of God,” Rogers later said. “So far as getting together is concerned, we don’t have to get together. The Southern Baptist Convention, as it is, does not have to survive. I don’t have to be the pastor of Bellevue Baptist Church. I don’t have to be loved; I don’t even have to live. But I will not compromise the Word of God.” In the end, if it means you cannot "get together", be willing to part ways. Agreeing to disagree and going your separate ways is sometimes the result & that is OK. Never compromise truth.

2. Be Friendly: Debate like you’ll still worship together afterward

   A good rule: never say something in debate that would make you ashamed to take the Lord’s Supper beside that person. Remember, you both love Jesus.

3. Be Forthright: It is possible to be unyielding on doctrine while being warm in spirit. Respect is not pretending the differences aren’t real. Sometimes there are genuine and irreconcilable differences. Jesus was forthright with the Pharisees, and, in the end, the two understood sides understood each other plainly.

4. Be Flexible: Sometimes you are wrong also. Sometimes both of you are wrong. Always be teachable. Always be willing to try to understand more than your side. There is one truth but we must always be of the mindset that we are not "all knowing" and we can learn too.

5. Be Forgiving: Sometimes feelings do get hurt and we are commanded to forgive. One way to make it easier to forgive is to try to understand how difficult it is for someone to change their religious views. In the next blog post will detail several reasons why it is often difficult for people to accept theological views different than their own. Understanding these points can help you empathize with their position....